REVIEWER 2
The reason your paper took six extra months and your weekends disappeared. Gifts for everyone who survived science’s favorite villain.
Yippee
You had a lot of questions. You had a lot of complaints. You tried to defeat me. To demoralize me. Well, now I have a machine gun. Yippee-ki-yay, Reviewer 2.
Blue pill/red pill
Take the blue pill: published, no prestige. Take the red pill: questions. Lots of questions. Choose wisely.
Life is like a paper
Mama always said life is like a paper review. You never know what Reviewer 2 you'll get. Sometimes insane. Sometimes brutal. Sometimes they ask you to cite their own paper from 1987.